Reminisces or Nostalgic

Appreciative

2011-05-26T16:47:00.000+08:00

I know I'm always mean towards you, always saying things that make u angry, want you to listen to me, always throwing tantrums even when its nothing to do with you and pushing you away.

Although I'm such a bad gf, u still placed me first. U are always there when I need you and you will always come to me first after ur camp. U try to be nice even when I'm not and always coax me when I'm angry or sad. also, u will always let ur anger be gone fast and call me baby and hug me.

I just wanna say....
Thank you dear, for all u done. :*
Sent from my BlackBerry Wireless Handheld from M1.

Speaking your mind

2011-05-07T12:50:00.001+08:00

Speaking what u think out immediately aint exactly a good thing bcus u gave no thoughts to others' feelings and such and thus hurt others without ur knowing.

One good thing about it will be u are frank and honest. But sometimes are these really as important as hurting someone else? Well, it depends.

One that is in a situation where frankness aint that important and ur straightforward hurt someone thus losing a friend. Not worth right? It may be true that if the person were to be one that understands u should understand, but shouldn't u as a friend has the logic to know that u should understand how the other party would feel too? Thus, main point, dun take people for granted!

Okay, just some random stuff above ! Ciao! ;)
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Life after school

2011-03-08T00:36:00.001+08:00

My life after school ended and being in holidays? Work of course! Packed with work and too busy to do anything else! Need many many money! I'm working so hard that people are calling me workaholic. Its bcus I want to become a shopaholic thus the need to be a workaholic now! :D

Currently, working in Tony Roma's restaurant at Suntec City Tower 5 as a waitress. Been there less than a week and I'm memorizing the menu alr! :D pay is not so good but I think better than nothing. However location is a problem. I took one and a half hours to travel! :( how bad is that? Well, too bad!

Anyway, I'm meeting my favourite bunch people tmr! BFFs! Haven't meet since I started working or even before that! Egg-cited for tmr! :D cycling or roller-blade!

Gonna sleep early! Ciao!
Sent from my BlackBerry Wireless Handheld from M1.

CNY

2011-02-08T22:45:00.003+08:00

HELLO! hows everyone's chinese new year?! collected many many ang pows?

if u got many many, please share yea? hahaha!

for me, CNY is not really that exciting already.

dun ask me why, cus i also dun really know lehs~

besides wearing new clothes, i think the rest average nia~!

also, ive been having a very very very bad tummy.

body been rejecting food and sleep so im kinda in bad shape now.

especially my face is fucking gone case! sighhhhs~

looking more and more cui each year as i grow older!

表面上看起来坚强的我，其实没你想象中的坚强。。。

越是表现若无其事的我，越是需要某些人的安慰。。。

2011-01-29T11:15:00.002+08:00

havent met this awesome bunch of friends for like a week alr? sighhhs.
the last meeting was with ezy, haozhe and ivan wee!
but no worries, 4th day of CNY we'll be gathering together like a family! :*

anyway, finally all presentations are done! left with exams to work hard for!
work hard, work hard! i really want my GPA to go high high into the sky! LOLs.
i was thinking when we all go year two and everyone goes to different class,
i will surely miss those days with them! esp valerie, dorin and jacqueline... :(

okay! time to pack up for new year!!!!!! toodles~

2011-01-09T23:46:00.002+08:00

have u asked urself what went wrong? is it others fault or was it mine?
dun just assume and tell ur very own tales as if the whole world owes it to u.
think about things done and reflect back if it was right...
if u insist then i have nothing to say but pity u for being so pathetic...

dun blame me for being harsh but im simply stating the fact.
everyone has their own way of thinking and their freedom to do it.
dun expect all to listen to one and act accordingly when one shouldnt!
doing things like these are plain dumb bcus not only will u not get what u wanted
but make things turn out more uglier for the things or tales u made up...

u may disagree but u know best what u have done...
think back and reflect... if u need a mirror, i can lend u one.
for all the lies and all u made up, u need more to cover them up.
there will be a day that comes of having u exposed,
u'll be left with nothing but just you and ur tales of lies...
dun come crying and all cus by that time, everyone would have left u

真真假假，假假真真

2011-01-09T23:08:00.002+08:00

真真假假，假假真真。。。
为什么人们就是无法认真地对待每一个人。。。
有时候，我觉得做人很辛苦，这个世界很丑陋。。。
好人坏人有时候真的很难分辨，
因为每个人的观点和定义都不同。。。
有些人或事都可以用黑或白来分，
但是有一些人就是站在灰色地带，很难了解。
当你遇到这种情况你又会怎么去区分呢？

Pain inflicted on others

2011-01-03T18:37:00.001+08:00

In a group, when one person slack, the rest have to take on the burden to do extra work or not do and all get a slashing by teachers... Bcus of someone's mistake the ones besides have to suffer... Not worth isn't it?

Why only regret when u lost it or did something out of impulse or plain foolishness should I say? Why do u not always think of consequences first? Have u spare a thought for those that will be affected?! After u put the burden on us and then u feel sorry or whatever u wanna feel? Isn't it too late? When are you ever gonna wake up?! If I can I will give each of u a tight slap! But forget it, not only bcus I can't but its alr meaningless... Bcus it cannot be undone...

Well, there's so much I want to let out but I couldn't! Do you know how suffering that is? There is so much I want to tell you(s) but I can't! I wanna make you(s) wake up but there are many things holding me back! Stop feeling the way you shouldn't and look at things without taking it personally!

Seriously, does 2011 has to start in such a way? From the start to now? 2010 alr a disaster, what is this?! I need a break, a breather, a shoulder to lean on...
Sent from my BlackBerry Wireless Handheld from M1.

2011-01-01T19:13:00.002+08:00

YOU! STOP ACTING, I DUN EVEN THINK MEDIACORP WANNA TAKE U! SUCH HYPOCRITE! U SHOULD BE ASHAME OF URSELF, GET A PAPER BAG AND PUT IT OVER UR HEAD! GET UR FACTS RIGHT BEFORE U EVEN POINT FINGER(S)! GET OVER IT WILL YA! EVERYONE IS SO SICK AND TIRED OF UR LIES AND UR PRETENSE! THE WHOLE WORLD MIGHT BELIEVE YOU BUT I NEVER WILL SO GET A LIFE! UR LIES WILL ONE DAY BE EXPOSED! DUN TAKE OUR SILENCE AS AN ACT OF COWARDICE BUT WE JUST DIDNT WANNA MAKE A VOLCANO OUT OF MOLEHILL! U KNOW WHO U ARE SO BETTER KEEP UR MOUTH SHUT AND KEEP EVERYTHING TO URSELF! NB!

AND YOU! KNN STOP LYING TOO LA, ONCE BITTEN TWICE SHY I TELL U! I WAS BEING NICE AS WELL AS A FOOL TO DO IT AGAIN! FUCK YOU!

2011-01-01T19:10:00.001+08:00

FUCK YOU!FUCK YOU!FUCK YOU!FUCK YOU!FUCK YOU!
FUCK YOU!FUCK YOU!FUCK YOU!FUCK YOU!FUCK YOU!
FUCK YOU!FUCK YOU!FUCK YOU!FUCK YOU!FUCK YOU!
FUCK YOU!FUCK YOU!FUCK YOU!FUCK YOU!FUCK YOU!
FUCK YOU!FUCK YOU!FUCK YOU!FUCK YOU!FUCK YOU!
FUCK YOU!FUCK YOU!FUCK YOU!FUCK YOU!FUCK YOU!
FUCK YOU!FUCK YOU!FUCK YOU!FUCK YOU!FUCK YOU!

seriously does 2011 has to start liddat?!
FUCK YOU SERIOUSLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
IM LIKE PISSED OFF THE WHOLE DAY!!!!!!!!!!!!
HALF THE DAY I DUNNO WHAT IM PISSED WITH!!!!!!!!!!!
AHHHHHH!!!!!! KNNNBCCB!!!!!!!!! FUCKKKKKKKKKKKK!

Xmas party in advance! :D

2010-12-17T23:06:00.014+08:00

AWESOME LOG CAKE FROM BAKERZIN!

everyone in class was anticipating for today, not for school
but the event after class! :D xmas "party" in advance!
(well, not exactly everyone but almost)

MY CLASS MATES! :D

these people above in the picture are my classmates and they are a bunch of awesome people! :D there are always laughter in class and whining and many more! We started off being all awkward and only 8months passed, we're acting like we kinda know each other for some time! im not angry or what for being called a potato, a short but loud girl... to me, having nicknames might make me feels closer to you people cus u wouldnt give someone nicknames if u dunno them! u know what i mean... I thank God for each and everyone of you that made it into my life and when we do part, i miss every single one of you! The Bimbos, the noisy ones, one sweet ones, the funny ones, the quiet ones, the smart and not so smart ones ((jk))... u know who im referring to! :) YOU PEOPLE ARE SWEET AND AWESOME! :D forget those school policy and have a great holiday! Before i end, read on for dedications:

Firstly, thank you to Darryl! :D the present is not as bad as u
think! in fact it came just in time! i was getting my cosmetics and the bag will
come in handy! :D thanks alot! though u are noisy and all but u made great
funny dude in class!

Next, to those who given me present even when u dun
need to... (( im referring to dahlia, yixun, aisyah and Syahira!)) thank
you very much people! you peope are reaaaaaaaaal niceeeee! ;) *squeals*

Moving on, to Valerie! :D thank you for being such great friend and including me in many things u though of like mostly getting cakes! hahhaha! :) u're the greatest bimbo friend i ever had! :*

Lastly, to the rest of the class, thanks for participating and everything! :D i had an awesome day!

((( for the rest of the pics, check out facebook! will put up a
link here when i uploaded!))) :p

liar

2010-12-15T17:31:00.002+08:00

what a liar i am... lying to everyone im fucking fine without him
though i always complaint that he's possessive and all..
ive said time will heal and now im okay but...
im not! im not okay at all!
i wanna stop crying to sleep, stop acting okay when im not,
stop all the pretense and everything im trying so hard to hide!

after since such incidents, ive kept so many dark secrets within myself.
many feelings i didnt share with anyone and thoughts i kept to myself.
theres seriously nowhere to let it all out...
its been almost a month already and i cant set myself straight at all...
why?! why do u have such great impact on me?!

i wanna give up already... i really do...
tell me what to do

Limping week

2010-12-13T09:47:00.008+08:00

i injured my toe on tuesday when im going for GSM. fell on escalator and cut my toe. bleeding and i didnt realise till i was near toilet. washing my wound and a teacher came in. horrified by the "pool of blood" she went to get a first aid kit for me kinda bandaged my toe. she was so exaggerating, wanted to call ambulance. -.- anyway, bandaged for like 2-3 days. and then saturday had a captain's ball match and sprained my ankle. wow! limped the whole week! what a week isnt it?! hahaha! and i fell a few times!

(look at Dahlia, laughing at me! wow!)

anyway, i just realized recently that many things have happened this year. especially towards the ending. i'm losing many people in my life and of course gained some too. but those i have lost are just way too not worth losing. this year is almost as stupid as it can be. hoping damn loads that 2011 will be nice. :(

i had enough of ur lies and hope i am really getting myself out for real.
i will stop trying to shed another tear and i will definitely step out of it asap.
i know its easy to say and hard to do but i will!
its no longer us, its only me, myself and i!

2010-12-06T19:32:00.001+08:00

Junhe said my blog was dead so here I am posting up...

Currently going to bukit timah to meet bffs for dinner I guess or something... Kinda tired alr though... Anyway, supposedly gonna movie but its a last min change..

School was kinda okay for today... But many projects choking me alr! Marketing, statistical theory, macroecons and appreciating lifestyle! More to come I think... Sighhhh! :(

Its okay to be broken...
I dun have to forget,
But I have to move on...
Sent from my BlackBerry Wireless Handheld from M1.

I'm not exactly used to it

2010-11-30T20:07:00.001+08:00

Its raining now and its cold...
Usually with him around,
I enjoy the coldness
As he wraps his arms around me...

I've got to get used to all these absence of his.... I just have to... But will I be strong enough? its kinda ironic to say that I dowan to be back with him but I miss him...
Sent from my BlackBerry Wireless Handheld from M1.

Something u dun get to see anymore

2010-11-26T00:18:00.000+08:00

Its really hard to let go and I've fallen too deeply into it. I fell so deep that its kinda hard taking myself out by force. In order to somewhat protect u, I chose to hurt u harsh and fast... It pains me to let go when I think of ur sweetness and the love u showered me with. I still care but I can't show it cus it only make u even harder to let go... Sorry for being so harsh, sorry for being so cruel, sorry for being selfish... I know this should not have happen but I'm sorry. We both know we went thru many in hard ways and its even more disappointing that we didn't manage in the end. If only time could turn back, I would have chosen not reject u and hurt u only for that moment than now letting the pain be longer. I'm to blame... I'm sorry. And towards ur parents, I'm even more sorry for giving hopes and letting them down. Forgive me, but if ur can't, I can understand. Sorry... :(

Sorry and I still do love you...
But I have to let go... I just have to...
Stay strong, I'll miss u...
Sent from my BlackBerry Wireless Handheld from M1.

to love or hate, to cry or to smile

2010-11-24T22:24:00.003+08:00

its getting harder to bear and pretend im fine!

its so fucking hard!

everyone keeps asking if im okay and i simply lie and said yes i'm fine, cant be better and laughing it off. deep within i so wanna cry and feel so not good! :(
as the day comes to an end and leaving me alone to think, im simply going to cry to sleep.
i am happy that im getting the freedom and friends back...
but im really sad that he's really gonna be out of my life.
he's really nice and super sweet taking out all the control, possessiveness and jealousy.

i'll miss him and im sorry that i hurt u... :(
u'll be one dilemma i have always...
to love or to hate?
to smile or to cry?
i dunno anymore...

2010-11-23T20:00:00.002+08:00

i guess its really the end...

the pain will be there but it will fade soon...
i didnt expect myself to harden so much.

im sorry i hurt u but i have to do it
so that u be in shorter pain...
im sorry for being so harsh and cruel...

time to let go

2010-11-17T10:33:00.006+08:00

i guess u are right, its time to let go. But i dunno how long i can persist and be so hardhearted. Doing all these are so not me, i'm used to clutching onto whatever is mine so tightly even when i can no longer stand it... But i know its really time cus im hurting the rest around me and i would lose even more if i dun let go... i've been changing way too much that i look into the mirror and see a girl with a face of mine but i couldnt actually recognise her... i question myself are these really all i want? is worth all the pain that im gonna go through if i held on? clearly i know its a no... many are understanding and they gave me space and still filling me up with love and concern...

there will be pain and it may not be easy to get through but i know i will cus theres no one that cannot live without someone... the earth still revolves no matter what happens... i've told my mum before leave if u wanna be happy, staying wont help if u dun feel happy urself... and what am i doing now? the opposite... all these are just stages of life everyone goes through just a matter of how u see things and how fast u learn from ur mistakes...

“God didn't promise days without pain, laughter without sorrow, sun without rain, but He did promise strength for the day, comfort for the tears, and light for the way.”

shihui, i know i neglected quite awhile, im sorry... :(
BFFFL, i havent been attending gatherings but u guys continues to try ask me if i wanna go and all, im really grateful for the bunch of u...
girlfriends in school, thanks for tolerating my rants and all!
loving all of u so much!

2010-11-11T07:17:00.000+08:00

Upon seeing such situation and condition, I'm being very upset right now... Perhaps I've taken things into my own hands without the need to... But how can I just leave it liddat when they are people dear and mean quite a lot to me?

I'm not standing whose sides and in fact I see from different angles like from the small to the big and from the female to the male. I would say on the gender sides, both are at fault. Everything takes two hands to clap... And the innocent ones are the kids...

However he is changing and u guys can see... But ur are just not supportive... He held everything within, keeping all to himself and suffering alone. Trying his best to lower all the damages that can cause u people. Think for him too and not just listen to one side of the story... As for me, I've listened to many sides and have my own point of view...

I'm not saying she's wrong or what... Of course I know she suffered a lot too... And many times she told me she's the one handling many things... As a woman its not easy...

However, I dare tell u there's more than meet the eye... You may have sided her, that's ur choice. You may think I may be because my father is his brother hence I am standing on his side but I'm not. As a onlooker by the side sometimes see more clearly than what u are seeing...

But anyway, what matters now is u guys are well... Probably when u're older...
Sent from my BlackBerry Wireless Handheld from M1.

2010-11-09T23:28:00.000+08:00

在我最需要你的时候你在哪里？
在我伤心难过的时候你又再哪里？

我们难道真的要这样地过每一天吗？我真的好累好累！
Sent from my BlackBerry Wireless Handheld from M1.

moodswings, problems, vexed!

2010-11-02T23:55:00.002+08:00

sighs, im like sooooooo not in the mood for anything and just wanna have a long long long long sleep all the way so i wouldnt have to face any problems, keep my PMS away and be vexed no more temporarily! i know if i did that it would have been like running from problems... really, no one will ever understand what i am going through and no one will ever want to be in my shoes or be me at all!

these days, ive been trying real hard to hide my emotions and everything! i really tried very hard! smiles, laughter and jokes i try to bring it to the front and suppress all negative thoughts and emotions. any idea how hard it is to pretend all is well when u felt all just isnt?! im glad that i can just be who i am in poly with val, dor and jac hanging all around! together with some other classmates like aisyah and regina and company to talk nonsense with... it simply makes it easier to laugh and all... but still i miss my BFFs and friends from secondary school...

as much as i try to hide and all, everything just seems to be getting worse and i cant seem to get out of it... i really hafta learn to not take other's problem and try to solve it like i will get in trouble if i dun! fuck! i really cant take it already...

to you, have u had had any idea how much u do these days hurt?! u knew how much i am trying and u knew how hard ive been feeling yet u do such things? i know i hurt u before but not like what u are doing okay! 3 such pain is more than what u done! did u see how much u are asking?! did u?! put urself in my fucking shoes and not keep asking me to be in ur fucking shoes!

to BFFs, sorry people i havent been able to hang out with your... many happened and i just dun really had the mood and my moodswings are serious so i dowan to like join and spoil everyone's mood. real sorry. :( i will definitely make up to it...

i didnt forget just dont know how to approach... suddenly it felt kinda awkward... many things i do and evenb say simply reminds me of u but i jus didnt mention or what...

to myself,
stop being such a stupid girl and let others ride on ur head! start thinking for urself! u cant possibly please everyone do u understand or not?! try pleasing urself and love urself more first will ya! and stop cooping everything to yourself! find a fucking person to talk to!

2010-10-20T15:38:00.002+08:00

"Image uploads will be disabled for two hours due to maintenance at 5:00PM PDT Wednesday, Oct. 20th." says blogger... so theres no picture for today

back to topic! school officially started and so far only cheated ten bucks outta mummy lying i got books to buy! (more to come. hehe) school aint as bad as i thought it would be, teachers seems funny so far. 2module teachers not seen YET. timetable was so-so (3 consecutive days starting school at 9am) but glad that i had the same GSM as valerie for both! surprisingly statistical theory lecture was kinda funny due to having badri as a lecturer and today i was earlier than jac, valerie and dorin! hahaha! :D

havent met BFFs since night safari... missing them!
i miss shihui, sheryl and enonne too! :(

kinda miss my cousins and days we were young and always hanging around each other... its like we only have each other as playmates. every morning we'll go gran house and then sleep in this gigantic matteress which can squeeze 4 of us with space to toss and turn. then we have chalks to draw at the corridoor. every afternoon to mac for lunch, dinner together and such! miss those days! they are really awesome cousin i ever had!

to you...
everyone has their secrets and things they dun wanna share i
understand... but know that i've been through the same thing, i know what it feeks like and all, though it is not as serious as yours... u can tell me or even ur friends... dun keep it all to yourself, u'll only make urself suffer. at least cry it out or
what, let it out.. everyone is worried about u and ur uneasiness are
just easy to see through for me... the adults matters are complicated, theres nothing much u can do... cus afterall u're only a child in their eyes... if u need anything just let me know... stay strong and take care.

Trying hard

2010-10-10T01:00:00.001+08:00

I'm trying to please everyone again when I know I can't... Sighs. :( but many see my effort and understands, thank God for them or I would crumble already...

Anyway, his mummy asked to go wild wild wet tmr and its hard to reject his mummy... :( she's so nice and I didn't wanna disappoint her or what so I kinda agreed. Gawd! Wad am I doing?! And his daddy actually asked why didn't I go over already... Just as I'm about to leave, his family came close and made it even harder... I like his family but I shouldn't be liddat now... :( should I talk to his mummy tmr? :/
Sent from my BlackBerry Wireless Handheld from M1.

Sorry to everyone

2010-10-09T09:24:00.001+08:00

To my BFFs, ur know who ur are...
I'm sorry to cause awkwardness during yesterday outing and didn't mingle much with your... And also, sorry that we keep being left behind and ur have to wait for us... :( real sorry. Will make it up real soon. :'(

To him...
I'm sorry too for causing so much chaos in ur life... Probably I should have listened to people around me and not get involved with u so u wouldn't be in so much hurt... The way I'm acting I know u aren't happy but I only hope that it makes u easier to let go... I'm sorry...

The way I'm acting makes u boil and pain and it pains me even more seeing you liddat.. Refusing all the last time is so we get used to it... It'll be hard for now but soon, u'll learn to let go and find better girls... Sorry that I can't make up to u... Btw, cherish ur family, they are the ones in the end standing up for u no matter what and they are really lovely people, esp ur mum... Think of them before u do anything...
Sent from my BlackBerry Wireless Handheld from M1.

when all comes to an end

2010-10-07T10:02:00.003+08:00

ytd went for movie with boyf. we went to town. he came to fetch me and took 190 to town. went to cine to get the tickets first and then to taka's best denki before we catch the movie... he seems to be expecting the breakup alr, he kept asking if today is the last day... im sorry. in the movie, i just cant really concentrate on the movie... every kindness and love he showered me with makes it even harder to move on without him and tell him its ending... i find it hard to let go now...

im sorry... i've decided and realised that if i keep holding on, all
will suffer. letting you go now will shorten your pain... we'll no longer be what we
used to but just friends. many things i am doing now may make you feel uncomfortable and think why am i acting this way and such... in fact, i am acting liddat just let u get used to it, cus when all comes to an end, it'll be even more plain... im sorry...

choosing

2010-10-05T21:45:00.003+08:00

my mum called and talked to me about my relationship sounded all so righteous and sounded all so nice but her words are cruel and harsh that crushed my heart...

"when are u gonna breakup? i am very seriously telling you this matter... i am gonna disown u if u dun breakup. i am not joking. i know u can be independent and all but i walked this road u're taking before... this is a relationship that will have no happy ending..."

and may i ask, have u tried to be near him, have a chance to hear us out? we've been through lots for going to 8months... though its not long, but neither is it short... bcus of ur dislike and so called went through, u want me to end? why did u not breakup when i dislike? is it fair? and u ask me to ask my friends to vote? what if they did vote yes? what u gonna say then? are u gonna like accept it or make them change their mind? and for ur info, every guy that i be with, u will just break us up! whats the matter with u?! for now, u really make me HATE YOU!

i didnt expect things to turn out this way, it wen out of control... sorry for being so selfish... its all my fault, blame no one but only me... i gave u hope and made u fall... i'm the greatest villain of all

BFFs

2010-09-29T09:04:00.002+08:00

i like the way it is now... we're calling each other BFFs and sometimes theres a little prick sense of sarcasm in it but still i like it! we knew whats going on with each other and nothing is really hidden. we share the same kind of thoughts in some ways and we almost feel the same way about some things. many times, there were laughter and giggling... and i believe when theres a day if one were to cry and scream, the rest will be there to hold and support. well, isnt that what friends are for? :)

cant wait for night safari!!! eggcited!!!

I'm fine... (Its a lie)

2010-09-25T19:47:00.001+08:00

I'm a fool to believe u... All has ended... Laughing hard just to hide all tears and anger. I know some of them can see through me but chose to respect me and act like they dunno... When I can't control, I simply run to my room and hide it all... Sorry to let ur worry, but I'll be fine just soon....

And if u realise, one if the many lies I say is, "I'm fine" ...
Sent from my BlackBerry Wireless Handheld from M1.

note to self

2010-09-24T08:57:00.001+08:00

learn to love urself! stop being so dumb bitch!

truck loads of fun

2010-09-23T11:30:00.002+08:00

life been great, esp when there is a bunch of fun friends to hang out with!
have been hanging out with either Ben&co. or Bernice&co. !
awesome people with great fun and loads of laughter!

On Mon, went for interview at topshop (vivo) and i knew immediately its a flop! waited for ivan for lunch and then met shili to book court but didnt have space. went home after having yami yogurt. awhile later, bernice&co. came for mahjong session and ivan joined after work.

On Tues, went to collect something from grandma and then vincent called to have lunch. drove to limbang and had mac. rushed home, changed and went to town with shili, met ben and darren at heeren. walked around and went off to find bernice and haozhe for KOI and packed for ivan and zhiying also. walked around and homed first cus of gran! baby out of jungle that day! :D

On Wed, went to pray with my grandma and cabbed home. at night, waited for ben&co. for badminton. long time never play, had fun. played some sparkles and stuff and homed to play monopoly deal till one in the morning.
Thurs, today....
baby booking out today but i have to go for work later so not meeting unless he's gonna come fetch me which is a no-no. sighhhs.

i cant decide if i wanna go raya with him and his friends. i'll be in casual clothes lehs!
plus i think will be weird... sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

I HATE THE LETTER F!

2010-09-22T07:42:00.003+08:00

F for Fuck, F for Fat!

i seriously need to slim down!
looking at the recent photos make me se damn sad.
esp when i went to see Isfadillah yesterday,
she say i getting fat! damn it la! make me even more less photogenic. FML!
i make sure i go down at least like 5kg first! KNN!

Note to self:
JULYDIA LIN, U ARE FUCKING FAT!
SO CONTROL WILL YA?!
EAT LESS, EXERCISE MORE!

sighs, hate holidays at times too. nb!
eating like non-stop remix! :(
mcdonalds and fast food like that should stay away!
start ur bloody exercise la!
so pissed off with myself. this is so damn irritating!
i think today aint gonna be a good day, pray that i pull it through! :(

good friends are like bras

2010-09-21T12:14:00.002+08:00

aint the picture interesting? bet enonne like it. hahaha!
anyway, baby has been in jungle for a week and i havent seen him or heard his voice quite awhile. missing him tons! hopefully he will be out of jungle, at least i will get to hear his voice. well, u can say that i get contented easily but its very short-lived. hehe.

i've been hanging out more with my friends and added a few more to my circle, like bernice and celeste and yesterday, zhiying! :D guess this is a great improvement ehs? life became more interesting and more fun! there was so much noise and laughter! causing almost a big commotion in my house cus of mahjong! :) oh ya! we're going to night safari and i thought of bringing baby but scared that they will like mind him go. however, bernice ask me to just bring him along. :D egg-cited but dunno whether he want not... i'm so not gonna miss my chance to go out with those people again, it'll be loads of fun! :D

everyone could see the truth but i couldnt...
i guess its not i couldnt but just that i didnt want to...
when it became all too obvious, i had to acknowledge it...

Enonne

2010-09-17T09:24:00.001+08:00

I'm at McDonald's with enonne! :D
Sent from my BlackBerry Wireless Handheld from M1.

Good or bad

2010-09-14T14:58:00.000+08:00

Not feeling well, monthly illness. Sighs. But not a bad day. Had pizza hut with shihui and back home. :)
Sent from my BlackBerry Wireless Handheld from M1.

Its over

2010-09-12T16:08:00.001+08:00

That's the end of it
Sent from my BlackBerry Wireless Handheld from M1.

Bye NYP, hello holidays!

2010-09-08T15:21:00.001+08:00

At last, the papers are finished! Phew! Was a long and tiring war. Cus of exams, its ruining my bloody body. Can't get enough rest and my body clock is screwed! I only feel tired and sleepy past 12am and feel awake at like 4 or 5am! Sighs.

I'm suppose to be on my way to town to meetup with some friends but now I'm turning back to home and then to meet enonne. I miss her so much. I miss many of them, esp u, u and U! Hahahas. U people will know who u are la. Of course, I miss my baby too. ^^
Sent from my BlackBerry Wireless Handheld from M1.

home that doesnt has any warmth

2010-09-08T01:00:00.002+08:00

there is always a emotion breakdown for me at least once a year whereby i try to keep everything to myself and when one very fine day, i finally cannot take it anymore, "BOOM!"... tears rolls down my cheek and start sobbing like a girl who lost her precious things or people.

it always happens near exam whereby i feel so stressed up with everything and time really seems so little for me... its a feeling like pushing me down and pressing me hard, causing difficulty to breathe. perhaps theres a little exaggeration but u get what i mean... life is already short and to worsen things, there are just too many unhappy moments.

today, after exam i went to study and home-d. i started to do the chores and everything. then when i come to a rest, there is this mixed emotion that fills up within me. it is filled with anger, disappointment, discourage, fear and an urge to just run out of the door leaving all behind me. texted mummy and told her how i felt towards many things, all the unhappiness that i kept within...

"i feel so hard to tell myself believe that this home is a place for me to seek refuge when i need and a place as a comfort zone. whenever i need shelter, i'm always running to my friends like enonne, yuling, etc instead of home, what does this shows?" can u imagine? i actually told my mum these? i dunno if i did hurt her but that moment seems like i was being truthful and i feel that i shouldnt hide it from her... i actually typed a 6 pages long SMS to her expressing as much as i can...

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always preserves."
-- 1 Corinthians 13:4-7

love me, love me not

2010-09-02T09:27:00.002+08:00

had this we enonne and co. and 31aug at lot one!

been awfully busy with studies, tried to squeeze 4months worth of info into my brain within a week! thats like bad. how much really went in i'm not too sure, but afterall i did my best! truthfully, there's regret in not listening in class... oh well, its all done and over. studying real hard for my next two paper since the first two hard ones are over! :(

baby only been able to book out on sunday this two weeks and i have to work permanent on sunday night with Dr Wesley, mummy is letting go already. hence lesser time to spend with him. also, as usual, having a a little tiff here and there but all still ends with honeyed words. :)

looking real forward to october although it's only september. there things coming up! :)

baby having POP on 1st 0ct (children's day)
new semester (Note to self: mug hard)
after baby POP, he has a week off!
new GSM
halloween night with pinhui and co.

u left and i stayed, not knowing what went wrong.
i decided to move on and u came back but i was gone.
u asked me back but i already belong to somewhere else.
u werent there when i needed u and now
someone else took ur place and i'm back on track...

dun blame anyone, not even urself
cus i've let go all of it and guess
we're perhaps better this way.
we probably shouldnt have started cus
from the start we knew this aint gonna last.

move on, u'll find someone else better and live a happier life.
we cant go back to how it was anymore, cus u're now only a friend...

2010-08-30T07:33:00.002+08:00

been real busy! :( study and then weekends i was so detemined to study yet i have to accompany this and that. ended up i didnt even study lor! saturday accompanied my aunt to rent her costume, it was fun and i helped her took photos and went bugis shopped for other stuff. wanna go shopping after exams!

yesterday went to meet baby up. had a tiff but when we met, he coaxed me and were like okay alr. :) didnt know where to go, as usual walked to hougang mall withdraw money first then decide. in the end went to the pasar malam at geylang to get his hari raya clothes and visited the best denki roadshow people. after that, sent baby home and he gave me cab fare to cab home. :* he had to go back early cus he's booking back in and he needs to rest. moreover, i had to go to work alr.

worked alone on sunday night, should have brought my books to study. -.- so stupid. crowd was slow yesterday and not much patients. many of them were from companies so didnt earn much. yesterday was first day really alone with doctor. mummy just let go of me. but not so bad, dr. wesley very nice. :)

OH!!!!! AND I FINALLY GOT MY NEW PHONE!
A BLACKBERRY BOLD! didnt get iphone cus felt that its like everywhere and listened to my cousin to get a bold and not a curve. :) plus the person there pushed it too! :D
okay.... thats all folks. probably going back to bed then study or straight to study.... CIAO!

yes i can do it!

2010-08-26T10:02:00.003+08:00

sighs, baby has to stay back this week. booking out in morning of sunday and booking back in on that day. pathertic. been a harsh week for him and he's been complaining to me... bear another few months kays?

anyway, my baby no.2 is coming!!!!! mummy gonna get it for me later~!!!! :D
*note to self: dun u dare drop the phone or lose or it'll be the last phone i ever get.*
hahaha! if anyway sees my phone dropping, save it for me alrite?! hehehe! will reward u handsomely. wahhahah! :D

btw, meeting enonne and sheryl tay later to study tgt. being home trying to study fails as too many distraction!!! BED, HANDPHONE, LAPPY, TV, VIDEOS, SNACKS and SOFA!!! ALL THESE LIKE KEEP CALLING ME TO THEM! SO FAR TODAY, ONLY LAPPY SUCCEEDED cus i just woke up at like 9AM and then my current phone dying, tv nothing nice yet, videos waiting for my sis and too early to snack la!

good news! DONE WITH STATS!
BAD NEWS! MICROECONOMICS COMING AND POM AND AFA! ALL NOT TOUCHED! EXAM STARTING ON TUES LEH!!!!!!!!!

i sense a new phone coming my way!

2010-08-23T09:30:00.007+08:00

yesterday was working with mummy and she suddenly ask me what i wanna buy. at first thought of nothing but just changing a wallet. i even gave up my Longchamp. but later i saw a patient that walked in with a Blackberry, i told my mum i wanna have one too. mummy just said check out the price first. Woo~! but then later she says i'm still under punishment for losing my phone when i went out with baby... :( so under consideration... but knowing my mum well, she will give in if i keep nagging at her....

SO, I SENSE A PHONE COMING!!!! but i still cant really decide if i really want a blackberry or should i just take iphone...? my cousins and some friends like pang are using it, makes me wanna have one. Iphone seems so common and everyone is like owning one, moreover i have an itouch already. what for? in addition, baby is using an iphone, i can just borrow his if i need sth.... -.- sighs....

2010-08-19T15:13:00.002+08:00

hahahas! this is a pic taken in RWS by dunno Darren or who using Amanda's camera.
anyway, thats pic of the day and looking at that bored look, it reminded me that i cant stay home too long alone or i'll die. this is proven last week as i fell sick and this week i did went out but didnt fall sick at all. hehe! does that give me another reason to go out? hahaha!

sighs, though it sounds weird but i kinda miss school uhs. better than staying home all day. plus many are busy with school exams and stuff. sighs, ask me out lehhhhhhhs! but in the afternoon only uhs... ;) hahaha! okay, back to mugging my statistics and microeconomics. buh-bye! :D

2010-08-11T16:18:00.003+08:00

okay, thanks to medicine, till today i am still not feeling well...
and i guess baby kinda passed his virus over? >.< i'm just guessing.
i'm losing appetite to everything, vomitted just now, feeling giddy and stuff.
sighs, this is real bad. :(

havent eat anything since breakfast. been liddat for few days.
then i couldnt sleep for long. only with anarex then i managed to sleep.
my body is ruining. sighs. :(

btw, bb says i look like got slim abit. :) maybe its just that he didnt see me for too long. :( but still i'm happy to hear that la. however he like not happy liddat... -.- anyway, since he went in NS, he did slimmed down and his body like more built. >.< I LIKE! hahaha. but his tummy still dere, just flatter. sighs. i'm worried about him uhs. now fasting month and he's in NS... Noooo....

isnt there no right or wrong in the name of love?

2010-08-10T07:49:00.004+08:00

i guess i truly understand what it meant when people say "it's hard being in relationship..."

mummy has been objecting it, in fact many has. but what were their reason?
simply cus he is a malay? tell me if it was in ur case, will u just take "cus he is a malay and religion difference" as a reason to be asked to breakup with ur loved one? does it mean that he is a malay so he will not treats me well? so what if in the law of malay they can marry up to 4 wives? look at the malay couples around u people, do they all have more than one wife?

i know many would say i'm young and still like ignorant. but comm'on how much do u know about him? did u even give him a chance to prove himself. even before u start to know him or what, u've already condemn him... do u know how disappointing it is? it's going to be six months and he's been trying to treat me quite well these few months... we've come so far and many happen but u people just dont know and start to condemn him. its freaking unfair to us...

its not like he is hindering me from my studies... i'm still gonna finish my diploma and go for my university. at the very least, i will and i must get a basic degree. at least now i didnt fail anything and trying to push myself up! i know what i'm going after, i know what i am doing. in fact, i know thats what u people ask of me and i am doing so. even with him around, i manage to get my As and Bs and Cs. I know Cs aint very nice and i'm trying to push it up!

u guys know nothing, ESPECIALLY YOU! i expected u to be liddat but not that long, if its gran i understand but not you!!!! my teacher once told us, "though u dowan ur children to make the same mistake as you did and neither do u like yelling at them, but sometimes, u just have to let them fall." u've been over-protective at times... i can understand why u are liddat but please have a limit. i am old enough to know my right and wrong! the mistake that u once made, i may not make it! dun put ur past onto the present me! then tell me the difference between u and gran! WHATS THE DIFFERENCE?!

first book out

2010-08-09T23:00:00.000+08:00

(8th Aug)
the moment he booked out, he came to find me. <3
spent an hour together just chatting and cuddling for awhile under the block.

(9th aug)
almost the whole day with baby today...
took cab to baby's block and waited for him. after he come down, we left his place and went to search for bottle he need for NS. went to hgmall and then AMK but all dun have! so dumb la. stupid NS uhs. where to find sial. somemore beach road like close early uhs!!

anyway, went to catch a movie, PCK movie and then went back to lot one and search for bottle again. still failed! so depressing uhs!!!! then went to somewhere near my place to slack...

each time he kissed me, i cried when we were siting down. i just cant help it.
a week feels like very long all of a sudden, a day feels like a year uhs...

2010-08-06T18:39:00.003+08:00

frankly, i still prefer black more...

anyway, i just realised my blog full of WORDS.

with few picture like pathetic.

so, what i'm gonna do, i'm gonna put pics in as much as possible.

probably, each post must have at least one pic...

starting from today behs! hehehe.

2010-08-02T18:36:00.002+08:00

i'm home! AINT IT SURPRISING?!

hahaha. thats right, my boyfriend in army,
so everything i do like fast.

feels kinda weird without him around.

lesser texts, no one to send me here and there...

but sth good is i'm able to spend more time with friends. :)
(right valerie, dorin and jacqueline? hehes. )

today went school at like 11am and then i actually wrote down everything

the lecturer and tutors wrote. WOAH!!!!! BIG CHANGE UHS!

egg-citing

2010-08-01T15:06:00.002+08:00

this week kinda filled with programme...

MONDAY had lectures till 6pm and lots of things to prepare for presentations on tues.
prepare till like 1am or 2am...

TUESDAY, i thought got test for GSM turns out its next week. -.-
but had two presentations to do. stayed till like 6.30pm
one of those which we did till like in the middle of the night cork up thanks
to the school computers with bloody viruses!!!!

WEDNESDAY, went to school at 12pm and was late. -.-
then i went off, met baby at like 1pm at YCK station and
then went to buy stuff for his NS uses.
bought stuff, shop around, dinner and home-d.

THURSDAY, last day with baby before he go into NS.
went for movie's after my presentation, skipped last lectures.
Sorcerer 's apprentice was nice!!!
after movie, went home straight

FRIDAY, skipped school and sent baby to NS.
cabbed down to his place and then met him.
his mum and his bro was around. super awkward.
toured around the camp and stuff liddat.
left around 10am and reach home at like 12pm.
met shihui at like 5pm, dinner and home-d.

SATURDAY(ytd), went to work in morning.
called enonne to meet but she busy.
ivan called and asked to join them to celebrate enonne's bday.
able to make it and went ahead.
KTV-ed, ate steamboat and home-d alone.
it was fun, long time never had so much fun.

in bad times, friends are always there to be around.
to her, u've misunderstood me. my twitter werent directing at you...
i've noticed changed in me and many do not like, i knew all these...
i dunno what you've heard but thanks for trying to clear up for me though i dun really know what you are trying to clear... ;)

2010-07-30T23:12:00.000+08:00

现为大家转载香港电台知名主持人梁继璋给儿子的一封信，这封信以风的速度流传于各大网站，很多父亲看后感触很深。我觉得不只给儿子，其实适合所有人看！我推崇这句发人深省，同时也感人至深的话：“亲人只有一次的缘份，下辈子，无论爱与不爱，都不会再见！”

我儿：
写这备忘录给你，基于三个原则：
（一）人生福祸无常，谁也不知可以活多久，有些事情还是早一点说好。
（二）我是你的父亲，我不跟你说，没有人会跟你说。
（三）这备忘录里记载的，都是我经过惨痛失败得回来的体验，可以为你的成长省回来不少冤枉路。

以下，便是你在人生中要好好记住的事：
（一）对你不好的人，你不要太介怀，在你的一生中，没有人有义务要对你好，除了我和你妈妈。至于那些对你好的人，你除了要珍惜、感恩外，也要多防备一点，因为，每个人做每件事，总有一个原因，他对你好，未必真的是因为喜欢你，请你必须搞清楚，而不必太快将对方看作真朋友。
（二）没有人是不可替代的，没有东西是必须拥有的，看透了这一点，将来你身边的人不再要你，或许失去了世间上最爱的一切时，也应该明白，这并不是什么大不了的事。
（三）生命是短暂的，今日你还在浪费着生命，明日会发现生命已远离你了。因此，愈早珍惜生命，你享受有利于生命的日子也愈多，与其盼望长寿，倒不如早点享受。
（四）世界上并没有最爱这回事，爱情只是一种霎时的感觉，而这感觉绝对会随时日、心境而改变。如果你的所谓最爱离开你，请耐心地等候一下，让时日慢慢冲洗，让心灵慢慢沉淀，你的苦就会慢慢淡化。不要过分憧憬爱情的美，不要过分夸大失恋的悲。
（五）虽然很多有成就的人士都没有受过很多教育，但并不等于不用功读书，就一定会成功。你学到的知识，就是你拥有的武器。人，可以白手兴家，但不可以手无寸铁，谨记！
（六）我不会要求你供养我下半辈子，同样地我也不会供养你的下半辈子。当你长大到可以独立的时候，我的责任已经完结。以后，你是要坐巴士还是坐Benz(奔驰），是吃鱼翅还是粉丝，都要自已负责。
（七）你可以要求自已守信，但不能要求别人守信，你可以要求自已对人好，但不能期待人家对你好。你怎么对人，并不代表人家就会怎么对你，如果看不透这一点，你只会徒添不必要的烦恼。
（八）我买了十几二十年的六合彩，还是一穷二白，连三奖也没有中，这证明人要发达，还是要努力工作才可以，世界上并没有免费的午餐。　
（九）亲人只有一次的缘份，无论这辈子我和你相处多久，也请好好珍惜共聚的时光，下辈子，无论爱与不爱，都不会再见。

frustrated

2010-07-30T22:58:00.004+08:00

problem with me? i dun really know how to say no to others.
this is like so bloody sickening. i'm tired... really
this will be the last time already... i wont do this again...

i should have listened and said no...
but why didnt i at all? :(

and you! stop nagging will ya?!
and you! stop asking more!

i have my own life to live and i had enough of all these.
after this i wont do anymore!
people who dun like it, u can jolly well leave!
if u cant understand why am i liddat, then i do not need you!

2010-07-07T22:12:00.002+08:00

there is really a lot of things piling up and one reason will be cus i dunno how to do...
really hate projects uhs! should have gone JC. i kinda regret my decision. :(

reasons why i wanna go JC:

heard that universities prefer JC certs.
JC only takes up 2 years
PJC is like freaking near my place
Pang Yuling and Dengyang is in there
i would rather be more hectic for 2years than be hectic for 3 years

anyway, there isnt a point crying over split milk.
JIAYOUS JULYDIA!!!!! BUCK UP AND SLOG UR ASS OFF!

Fully Booked

2010-07-06T21:13:00.002+08:00

seriously these two weeks i'm kinda fully booked and pack with activities!!!
meeting enonne this friday, gen and co this saturday, might work whole day this sun

meeting baby this wednesday and shihui next friday. The rest of the day i have schools and projects and work. BUSY TTM!

sighs. i need more time. wanna meet me please make appointment. ;)

2010-07-02T19:23:00.003+08:00

"I DOWAN TO KNOW, I REFUSED TO ADMIT AND I REJECT IT ALL! ALL IN ALL, I AM GONNA PRETEND I DUNNO AT ALL!"

Thats the line i've been using these days and its true. i've been running away from many things and trying to keep myself busy with the work piling in front of me. i dowan to know the hurtful truth, i refused to admit that it's a fact, i reject to know and to admit! All i wanna do is pretend i dunno, in short, i just wanna runaway...

but to really think through, how long will these last? how long can i run? At the end, when i'm tired and when i've reached somewhere theres no longer a path to run anymore, i will still have to face it up and settle all the problems and things i've been running away from... THIS IS LIFE! sighs.

things have changed and i know, running away was what i've been doing and i know u realised it, still waiting for me to take action. i dunno what else to do and somehow afraid now as in on what to do and how am i going to get it done? call me selfish cus i know i am and i admit... also, u're right with what u said...

July: to be excited or not?

2010-06-30T21:51:00.002+08:00

IT'S GONNA BE JULY, MY MONTH! (dunno why but i love the month of July)
i remember days whereby my friends are like mentioning dates on July and i will though they are calling me and i will thought they call me or something. their reaction will always be, "no one calling u la!" and i will suddenly feel sad. hahahs.

ANYWAY, it's gonna be July and i dunno if i should really be happy or not.
end of July, baby is going NS, meaning no one to help me carry stuff and buy things when i have no money and no one to vent on when feeling damn pissed and when breaks are long or wanna skip class, no one gonna accompany me out. >.<

ALSO, there are many ICAs and there are many projects to hand in this month.

HOWEVER, results are not bad so far, more to come though. coming ones are those failures. >.< (YES, I AM SHOWING OFF)

Accounting for Assets: 23/25
Effective Oral Communication: 40/50 (A)
Internet&Web Technology: 68% (C)
Principles of Management: 24/30

many was out of my expectation like the Effective Oral Communications and Principles of Management. superb~! okay, nights. tireddd. PMS ongoing

2010-06-27T13:08:00.002+08:00

school is starting again tomorrow and there are still assignments left in a pile UNTOUCHED. sighs. i' never gonne get it done. :( and there are projects not touched yet. :( worrying about the deadlines now.

anyway, baby is going NS at the end of July, left only like 34 days? sighs. i dun even know if i'm sending him there.... if i'm sending, then i'll have to skip school. and that day only have a lecture and a tutorial.... but it's RAJOO's lehs.

okay, going off, need to prepare to go out and then off to work.
byebye...

if u realised, half the time u're with me, u mentioned her name... somehow, her name coming out of ur lips makes her sound like a bitch. i didnt say a word and hoping u stop, just kept quiet... she still has a place in u dont she? if not, why would u mind what she do? and u'll be able to treat her like a normal friend, isnt it?

2010-06-18T23:53:00.003+08:00

finally back to blogging and i changed my skins.
sth wrong with twitter so my tweets comes later. be sure to check it out. :D
many editing to be done but too busy and too tired.

had a great day but an awful night. am i regretting now? well, i deserve it.
anyway, sth to cheer myself up...
meeting my lovely girlfriend tmr and two jian huos i havent seen in a long time.
supposedly to have joshua who has just promoted but he busy uhs.

look, u dun get it and u dun understand me!
what u said are just plain childish! u said ur life sucks? what about mine?!
love isnt as easy as u thought it is.
what we going through is hard enough already and i reallu need space. DANG U!

2010-05-31T14:41:00.002+08:00

Why are u liddat?
After so long, u ate still the Same.
What are u trying to show?
frankly, I'm getting tired of ur games alr...!

2010-05-22T22:23:00.005+08:00

i've decided to quit best denki by the end of the month.
went to tell my supervisor and he ask if i really confirm
and without hesitation, i said yes.
i think it would be better that way....

firstly, working at my mum's place is better.
cus its my mum, my working time more flexible.
two, i wouldnt have to choose over him and her for breaks and etc.
third, i aint really happy working there anymore.

sighs, why is my life in such a mess?
i'm trying to clear it, but only one at a step.
i need time, can someone please sell it to me or give it FOC?

2010-05-21T07:47:00.002+08:00

again i asked for the stop between us
after realizing many things have changed
and i do not like the change.

cus of u, i've given up many others which i treasured.
most of all, i almost lose the one that i really cant afford to lose
and shes the one who was there for at least the past four years.
she knew me inside out, more than what u know about me.
she dun really force me into things i wouldnt want
and she know i have my own friends to hang out with too.
she wont bug me all day to spend my whole day with her if she knew i had other plans.
she'll only ask to meet for that few hours though she might had wanted me all herself.

sitting down with her after all the incident and
finally acting like normal and thrashing things out,
i felt so much better. thanks babe

seriously, if u havent start using vulgarities on me, i wouldnt have been so mad
and i suggested that i meet u after her but u didnt want.
u wanted me to choose between u and her. but how was it possible when i wanted both?
if i really were to choose at that point of time, i would had gone for her instead of u.

after meeting gen, shihui couldnt meet me.
i called yuling and cried it all out.
she was so nice that upon hearing my cries and all,
she came over to me immediately and as fast as she could.
the moment i saw her, i ran into her arms and cried it all out.
she sat down there for like a few hours just listen me let it out...
thanks dearest girl. :D

few others wanted to meet me but i just couldnt make it. i'm sorry...

2010-05-20T14:56:00.001+08:00

i knew this was coming but just that i didnt expect it to be like so fast.
it's just like history repeating itself. damn it.

the last time when i agreed was only if u change.
well, u did but after that u change back.
then whats the point? see, now things are coming back.
and in much more mess!

ur attitude is pissing me off.
i've been tolerating and things are coming over the limits of mine.
u've asked for it, u forced me to...

2010-05-19T21:28:00.002+08:00

hello! i'm back to earth from mars. LOLS.

poly life has started for quite awhile and in fact, i just had two ICAs(test).
gosh! poly life is very fast-paced and u really need self-discipline. ughhh!
but luckily, my class is kinda a bunch of fun, esp the girlfriends there.
life in there is simple yet fun. however, fast-paced. hahahas.
but one thing about school is kinda far uh~! took thrice cab, cheapest was $17.80.

anyway, life has been turning up and down, many to handle.
but luckily, there are people like shili and amanda that come to visit me at work quite often. the most recent one, i was so touched that they came that i cried. hahahas.
also, i didnt know ben was so concerned for me that he actually cursed someone thinking that person bullied me. but ended up was a misunderstanding from shili. hahaha. hanging out with them i never have to worry about anything. :) hehe.

also, met up with one of my fav girl, enonne to take my cables. she is still the silly girl i know but somehow i felt that she kinda mature alot. guess if u fell once, u'll grow a few inches is true. hahahas. ENONNE , U GREW UP! meet up again soon

2010-05-16T23:06:00.002+08:00

一个过去了又来了一个...
这样一个接一个的,告诉我该怎么做?
我谁也不想失去但我真的必须做出选择吗?

其实,我知道我最终会选谁,
但是现在的我并不想放弃任何一个...

妈妈开始起了疑心,我们的感情也慢慢地恶化...
像他所说的,这么做并不值得...
我也想狠心的告诉他,但我不忍心....

2010-05-14T22:39:00.002+08:00

我知道我变了,因为不止你一个人那么说...
但我真的不知该怎么去处理...
有时候,我希望有个人能在那里告诉我该怎么做,
我也好希望有什么事就坦诚地说出来...
我或许我不能给予你什么承诺我会尽力改或平衡这一切...

2010-04-29T22:29:00.001+08:00

people can read me like an open book but i can never really understand another person. why does life have to be so hard... people ask me to cheer up and all but tell me how to if u're in my situation. why cant i just have everything the way i want? really, i'm tired with so much to handle. it's killing me

2010-04-26T23:00:00.002+08:00

seriously what the heck is wrong with my life?
everything is totally screwed up. i cant handle it anymore.
i'm losing my grip, lost my directions and all. damn!

today i was late for my general studies for twenty mins. shouldnt have listened to mummy to try taking bus! seriously long waiting for bus and seriously irritating. dun like ! hate morning transport, esp during peak hours. ugh!

anyway, made friends with Doreen today and almost whole day in school i was with her. until the end, the last lecture i went to sit with shathika. i really feel that i cant really fit in. How? felt outcasted sial.

i really hate today. nothing went right at all! damn it!
everyone seems to be angry with me and all.
i really dunno what went wrong or what i did wrong?! fuck!
FUCK TODAY ! DAMN IT

2010-04-24T11:29:00.002+08:00

took MC today to attend Anusha's birthday.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY GIRL! :D

anyway, this week has been fine. school has started, brand new poly life. trying to adapt to environment. new friends, new places, new teachers and many more new things. some lectures are fine and some are just so heavy in content. dun see much hands on now. sighs. kinda not used to walking around the campus. though i'm always following my classmates all around but i'm still not used to it. it feels as if i dun fit.

i admit partly is cus i dun really open up to them and i act as if being alone is fine. but sometimes its not. sighs. miss my secondary school days alr. btw, that day saw pinhui as i walked into school as she walked out. i was stunned and before she left we actually hugged. shocked! really miss Dunearn, not the place but the days spent tgt with my friends. I'M JUST NOT USED TO ALL THESE!

2010-04-15T23:14:00.002+08:00

today went for orientation. it was boring at first but at the back slowly getting better. but still i say, kinda bored and awkward. managed to know a few names but still not that close or what yet. some of them seems to click up and all but i havent. my class is quite quiet so i'm not really used to it, i prefer hyper type. wanted to do cheers and all but then everyone just kept quiet made me sian half. -.-

anyway, i love the OGLs! Vivian and Pearlyn! :)
Vivian has the cool look and i'm enticed by her charm the moment i saw her.
and then Pearlyn has this sweet and beauty. really! they're nice and fun! :D

what happened?

2010-04-11T23:08:00.002+08:00

eversince i came back from malaysia, i realised u've changed.
or is it me that have changed? why ? whats happening?
the quarrel is starting all over again and i dun like it.
when will it end? whats with u and whats with me? :(

2010-04-06T18:36:00.002+08:00

ahhhhhh~! finally back to Singapore!
anyone misses me ?! i know two person does! hahaha. :D

anyway, malaysia trip was fine... love the food and the place i stayed in.
the rest was simply average or terror. ugh! :(

stayed in one of the relative's place, nice and neat. not to mention big too! the kids there are quite nice too. at first i couldnt really mix with them, especially the youngest one. the youngest one is one of the cutest but the one that i cant really get close to till the last day. sighs. but at least she came close. :)

first day when we arrived, went for brunch and visit great-granny. great-granny's hair is all white and i really mean white literally! nice lor but i wouldnt want mine to be white that fast. :x hahahas. after the visit, we went over to another relative's place. the adults gambled while my siblings and i just watch tv till evening which we went for dinner and home-d. -.-

second day, we went for breakfast and then there was shopping but kinda limited choices. really didnt get much things and all. sighs. i rather be in singapore. -.-
after that, we went home and rest at home the whole day watching videos and stuff liddat.

last day, early in the morning went to the graveyard to pray to great-grandad. after that we went for brunch and we were brought to the internet cafe. chatted with gen thru twitter and played some games. around 4plus we left and went home to rest and pack our bags. at about 7pm, we went for dinner and took our bags. Left the place at about 8.30pm and off we went back to singapore. to my surprise, the youngest kid came over to give a peck on my cheek before i left. she's so cute! really adorable!!!! love her to the max. >.<

okay, off to sleep again. nights! too tired...

unknowingly, i hurt the one i love

2010-03-21T10:10:00.004+08:00

to be truthful, i did realised that things are fading and its not the way it used to be anymore... i noticed ur anger and such for quite a while already. i'm sorry , i didnt know i hurt u so bad and made u feel that things were fading and worried that it might end.

i kinda find it hard to keep things balanced especially when both are not used to having each other, kinda like sandwiched . i understand why u would act that way and i blame no one but myself for not able to handle things properly and made it a thorough mess .

i'm to satrying lvage , trying to redeem...
most of all , trying to balanced and correct things ...
but am i able to ?

say that i'm greedy , say that i'm selfish but i want both
and i'm sorry that i hurt u unknowingly.... :(

i'm sorry

2010-03-16T09:14:00.005+08:00

many times in life i really wished that there's a delete button or the "undo" button but there isn't such buttons at all... worse, thing went wrong and u weep. so what ? LIFE GOES ON!

"perhaps u found me stupid or silly doing that. also, i admit that i wasted ur efforts and somehow let u down... i'm sorry ... i really appreciated what u really did for me and being there and all whenever i run to u ... i'm not really someone that will tell my deepest secret just like that, but if u were to ask, i would tell u... really .

what's gonna happen in the future , i will face it... and i'm apologising not only because i'm in the wrong but also cause i really value our friendship and thus the reason to put down my ego and apologise... sorry"

i dunno if that was directed at me , but somehow i felt that it is and i have lots of mixed emotions now... ignore if that wasnt directed at me...

three girls

2010-03-09T21:39:00.004+08:00

(from Gen's blog)

she was all along there for me through ups and downs. seen all my laughter, smiles, cries and annoyance . she guided me all along and lead me through a lot . though she may act like a kid sometimes but she's like mummy to me sometimes. :x she pulled me up when i was down and flew with me when i was high. especially when she actually stand up for me quite a lot of times ... she's really one friend i couldnt bear to lose. :) thanks babe!

(from yuling's blog)

it was her that really woke me up from the dream and illusion that i was giving myself . she was the one who really cared and scolded me to wake up. without telling her what i was really thinking as i did something , she will know . i can say she really know me inside out . for quite sometime we didnt contact but she was still dere when i needed her. thanks girl!

(picture too sexy to be shown :x)

shihui was also another sweet girl i ever know. knew her since sec 1 and she's been a mother and a super great friend. everytime i ask her out, never once did she really reject me unless restricted by circumstances. but she always agreed readily and seems to be 24/7 on standby to catch me just in case i fall... esp these few days, shes been like always on the phone and coming out even i very last min then ask her out.... love her to the max !!!

2010-03-06T10:52:00.002+08:00

sighs . needa go work again ... super restless .
meeting gen at 12pm cus she needa take photo then lunch while we wait and off to work.
today vincent will be late , gonna be bored if i stay at counter .
hopefully many many customer to keep me occupied. hehehe!

oh! btw , i think i'm gonna stop working at the end of march .
erm, not stop la , but only work weekends. >.<
however , if my grades not that good, then i'm gonna quit and concentrate .
sighs , sighs , sighs .

gen got her package alr , where's mine?! arghhhh!

2010-03-05T15:52:00.002+08:00

i'm a good girl today . i stayed home the whole day ! >.< so surprising right ? i'm having my off day yet i didnt go out at all . hehehe . i wanted to but then no one wants . then when i dowan , they ask me out . how funny . why ur liddat sial ? :(((((

today did nothing but rot at home like nobody's business . woke up at 8am by my grandfather thinking i overslept and worried that i cant make it in time for work . tsk! -.- okay laaa , at least he's concern .... >.<

school gonna start on 19th April , orientation camp is on 15th and 16th of April. basically i start school on 15th April. Cus 15th and 16th is orientation, 17th and 18th is weekends , 19th April officially starts school !!! WOW !!!
whats the best thing ? 12th April must register and i havent receive my package !!!!! *panicks* NYP! WHATCHA DOING ?! *looks around frantically* GIVE ME MY PACKAGE !!!!! hahahahs !

okay , update more later , gran dragging me down for a drink. -.-

2010-03-03T20:23:00.003+08:00

just another day passed liddat . sighs .
my life simply revolves around work and sleep everyday . sighs .
everyday i wake up and it's time for work , then when i'm home , it's time for bed .

surprising , today i'm home early ?! well , i am too !
my gran has been calling me these days and complaining how long she hasnt seen me and how long i havent been home for dinner . everyday when i go home , she's alr asleep and when i wake up, she alr gone to work . sighs . hence , today i made the effort to go home early and accompany her . >.< all of a sudden , she acts like a kid now . hahahaha!

anyway , today work sucks to the core !
for some reason i was pissed . u seriously need to get a grip !
and then gen is off today . lucky still got leonard ... but pity him also . bcus of my moodswings , he has to tolerate all my anger and frustration . he let me rant and vent on him. such nice guy. :) thanks uncle leonard !

okay , all of a sudden my blood is boiling again ! :@ bye!

2010-03-01T23:38:00.002+08:00

a moment we were all so sweet and in another we were fighting again.
what is it that i'm holding onto ? i'm a lil tired of all the arguments we are having now and then later leaving me running and crying to gen or shihui. :(

pissed and disappointed .

skipping around

2010-02-28T11:00:00.002+08:00

wondering why i didnt post for a long time ?

well, that's bcus i've been busy and actually i've been trying out tumblr too ! i kinda like tumblr but at the same time i like blogger too . they have different functions and i like tumblr's . i guess blogger is just something that i'm used to, that's why i liked it . anyway , do check out my tumblr ...

http://jud-loves.tumblr.com

2010-02-10T11:39:00.002+08:00

this is so infuriating ! i wanted to go jogging with genevieve but then that monthly "aunt" came ! FUCK ! i seriously need to workout . also , chinese new year is like on monday ! ughhhh !

anyway , yesterday worked full shift and then went to chillout with Genevieve , Isfadillah and Kalai. cancelled my manicure and pedicure . then we trained back. upon reaching home, i was so tired and the moment i plopped onto my bed, i was knocked out and slept like what seems to be forever ...

i seems to enjoy working though sometimes some customers are just here to find trouble for me . damn . but colleagues there are fun , esp yesterday. everyday there is simply different things to learn and know . super fascinating ! :D wanted to upload pics but i'm gonna be late if i still dun go prepare my things so .... BYE FOR NOW ! :) MISS ME KAYS?!

friends

2010-02-03T02:37:00.000+08:00

" are friends important ?" ... many would say not hesitate and tell u yes .but think carefully , do u really mean it ?

also , many times , esp girls , they like to say,
" friends for life "... and now i ask , for life ? how long is for life ? why can u be so sure u'll be friends for life ?

these days , i really encounter many things and many things have ran through my mind. to me , i can have tons of friends , which includes "hi bye" friends, friends from school and work , and more ... but true friends are really hard to find ...

define true friends ... to me ...
true friends are really those that stay by ur side in times of need and no matter what situation, she'll do whats best for u . she'll scold u for things done wrong and smile for things gone right . also , true friends wont abandon u for someone else and neither will they throw u aside when problem arises . they dun really have to be 24/7 with me but i know when in times of need , they will be there the first moment i call .

after o levels , many friends and i have lost contact ... some of them i really hate to see that happen is from my clique ... its really saddening . perhaps some may say cus i have to work and i neglected and blah . but somehow , i really regret not having enough time for them , esp enonne ... two to four years is not really long nor short , but i really hope we'll still be a clique... :(

2010-01-29T22:58:00.002+08:00

i wanted to let u know but i dunno how.
i told u umpteen times but u just dun trust me.
i dunno how i should make myself clear to u.
have u spare a thought for me ?

prove? why dun u prove urself first ?'
u dun even trust me ... its all so disappointing

DAMN !

2010-01-24T10:51:00.001+08:00

THIS IS DAMN IRRITATING !
"FUCK OFF" IS REALLY NOT ONE WORD TO USE ON ME !
ESPECIALLY WHEN I DIDNT DO ANYTHING WRONG AND U'RE NOT JOKING ABOUT IT !
DAMN IT! WHY AM I SO AFFECTED BY U ! I KNEW U WERE LIDDAT ! DAMN !

2010-01-19T20:56:00.005+08:00

these days i'm really tired and like gen said today she thinks that i dun get enough sleep always . and its rather true . sighs . its just a habit that at a particular time i will definitely wake up . my body works in two ways .

after eight hours of sleep, i'll definitely wake up
at a certain timing , i will wake up automatically

sometimes , i just wish i could sleep more but my body just dun allow me . :( sighs .

anyway, today went back to school and we kena blocked by the security guard . -.- then adiel came to the rescue ! *puts in some sort of heroic sound* LOLs . then he got us into school. went to look for mr lo first as adiel claimed that he will be to the security guard. then went for brunch . >.<

chatted with quite a few teachers and left as gen got to go for work. accompanied her to best denki , bought bread for her and left for home . so tired please . okays , i think i wanna go sleep too . nights ! XD

it was all my wishful thinking

2010-01-17T23:43:00.001+08:00

keeping ur distance away . i dunno what to do .
i'm lost in the game of love and waiting for some help .

these days, i'm really confuse of what are we actually and u seems to be running away too .
i wonder whats wrong and i really hate this kind of feeling .
a moment u being all sweet but the next u are running away.

i dun like such games ... i really dun .

2010-01-14T23:51:00.002+08:00

finally done with choosing my course . some of them is really anyhow put in one larhs . but i'm like serious about my Law & Management course and MI course . anyway , to people who keep asking , here it is ! XD

1 -	LAW & MANAGEMENT (TEMASEK POLYTECHNIC)	7 -	MARKETING (NANYANG POLYTECHNIC)
2 -	INTERNATIONAL BUSINESS (SINGAPORE POLYTECHNIC)	8 -	FUND MANAGEMENT & ADMINISTRATION (NANYANG POLYTECHNIC)
3 -	BUSINESS/LOGISTICS & OPERATIONS MGT/MARKETING (TEMASEK POLYTECHNIC)	9 -	MILLENNIA INSTITUTE (COMMERCE) (MILLENNIA INSTITUTE)
4 -	BUSINESS MANAGEMENT (NANYANG POLYTECHNIC)	10 -	HOSPITALITY & TOURISM MANAGEMENT (NANYANG POLYTECHNIC)
5 -	ARTS BUSINESS MANAGEMENT (NGEE ANN POLYTECHNIC)	11 -	HOTEL & LEISURE FACILITIES MANAGEMENT (SINGAPORE POLYTECHNIC)
6 -	INTEGRATED EVENTS & PROJECT MANAGEMENT (SINGAPORE POLYTECHNIC)	12 -	EARLY CHILDHOOD STUDIES (TEMASEK POLYTECHNIC)

whats actually going on between us ?
what am i waiting for ? am i suppose to take action ?
I TOTALLY HAVE NO IDEA !

2010-01-12T12:24:00.002+08:00

i'm currently kind of still bothered with what i should choose or rather how i should proceed ... i totally have no idea at all . what i did yesterday was blindly flipping through the papers . i felt like calling vincent for help but dunno when is the right time .

thank god, he just texted me just now and then we chatted on the phone . he didnt really specifically tell me what to do but just like give me some simple advice and illustration of some philosophy of his own i would say . he's really like very experienced and knowledgeable . less than half an hour of chatting , i kinda know how i should move on .... kinda have an idea is better than no idea . he's really nice and useful man ! :D

really , i hope i get what i want and somehow i wouldnt make any wrong choices .... :)

Edgar A. Guest:
You are the person who has to decide. Whether you'll do it or toss it aside; You are the person who makes up your mind. Whether you'll lead or will linger behind. Whether you'll try for the goal that's afar. Or just be contented to stay where you are.

Peter F. Drucker:
Start with what is right rather than what is acceptable

2010-01-11T20:39:00.005+08:00

it's the day results are released and u're right! i've got mine . but its rather disappointing . LOLs . but i kinda think its wad i deserve so i blame no one but myself lo .

anyway , at first when i got my results i was like oh okays , seventeen . kinda of what i expected somehow lorhs . but then it was wheni called my dad , i started crying... erm , how should i put it ? probably i think cus i disappoint him ...I'm really sorry about it larhs. Sighs. But what's done is done. then dad went home immediately after knowing my results but i went out with my friends . none of them chased after me to faster get home or what , then when i reach home , all of them just say it's good enough to be able to poly . my dad and li ling helped me to briefly look at the courses and then tell me what i could do last night . in addition, my gran cooked all my favourite dishes but i'm too full to eat and too disappointed with myself to actually finish the food . sorry . :( but i'm so touch, really. :)

By the way, today thanks to lots of people for ur concern. Like enonne, Sheryl Tay , Is, Kalai, Li Ling, Jane, Ben and Melvin . thanks alot, people . :) i'm fine just need to let it out first . hahas . :D

Anyway, today went to watch movie with junhe, sigmund and Genevieve. We watched Alvin andvthe chipmunks!!! Super cute! (and i dun look like the fat female chipmunk uncle jun !)

when will that day come ? whats wrong now ?
is it because u got it already and now u dowan it ?

2010-01-11T11:53:00.001+08:00

taking results soon , just in another few more hours ....
i'm a little nervous to be frank and scared . sighs !!!!
the weather is great but i wonder if my grades would it be that great too ?
got to bathe and go to school ! i'm excited to see the familiar faces !

okays , got to go now !

does that count as a start ? i dunno . i need assurance ...

its not i dowan to say but i just dunno how to start or put into words . its already weird for a start and thus the awkward to say . but if u ask i will tell u ... also , i dun really see the need to like go around spreading this thing .

as fragile as a baby is what i am . i'm not as strong and brave as u think .
i'm not who u think i am, but i am what i am .

so much to do , so little time to finish

2010-01-08T23:23:00.002+08:00

trust me , time is really little when u work . i finally understand how it feels like to have a day off and really wish u stay home and sleep the whole day . sighs . my eye bags and eye rings are getting worse ! can anyone or anything just save my horrible face ? also , i'm afraid i'm gaining weight with all the drinking and supper i'm having ever since the eve of christmas ! it's 2010 and i'm still like in festive mood . earth calling julydia ! wake up u stupid lady !

anyway , went out with clique today , excluding ivan wee cus he has to work . finally , our da shao ye went to work ehs ?! :D we went to watch hear me at cineleisure . it was a really nice show and learnt quite a few handsigns ! super interesting ! :) worth the money okay ?! gonna download it !!!! superb ! :D after movie , went to best denki and pay our colleagues a visit while gen settle some of her cork up . hahas .

okay , now i'm really home and time for me to rest , adieu people !
nights and have a good rest ! i'll see u people soon enough .
oh ya , btw , monday getting results ! SURE GONNA CRY !
lets get some tissues and someone on that day please do lend me a shoulder if i need! LOLS . hopefully i dun !

i appreciate ur honesty but i still wished that u havent brought it out .
it just my luck for what happened and like i say , feelings cant really be controlled.
well , lets just let nature take its course .

2010-01-02T12:15:00.004+08:00

sighs , work work work was what i've been doing for my holidays . work was tiring especially the past two days which is the last day of 2009 and first day of 2010 .

i countdown in best denki , helped to stock take as i wait for gen and did till 12.30am. then we headed to lau pat sat for supper with her and leonard syn. ordered 5 dishes and we cant finished , big eater leonard tried his best ! >< hahas . btw , we ordered a plate of satay but then when we were done eating the 5 dishes , it havent came and we were so full , we just went off. hahas . XD waited for cab for maybe twenty to thirty mins , called one and went home . sent leonard off first , then gen , then me . reached home , bathe and slept at like 3.45am .

next day , woke up at like 5.15am , bathe , changed and about 6plus , gen's father came to fetch . super tired but luckily my counter guys were nice to let me do simple job . :) however , when it was afternoon , everyone was tired and left for home . left with terence , so i stayed on till ten . i had a second break and went with 4 "uncles" , namely Leonard syn , Vincent , Steven and Yu Chi (sharks' fin) . work ended , trained back and slept till 10plus . guess i was really tired . sighs sighs sighs.

Now , i'm going off for work again . sighs sighs sighs sighs sighs sighs sighs !

am i just a replacement ? i dun want to be one u know ?
why act like this when it aint true ?
u brought me up to the skies and let me fall every now and then .

2009-12-21T23:51:00.004+08:00

work has been kind of dull these days with many people leaving .
sighs . i really miss that two "nu cai" , sigmund and junhe lorhs .
its so bloody boring without them larhs . :(
also , i'm a little sick of old chang kee . D:

anyway , gran is returning on wednesday !
kinda miss her ... :( my lil bro tooo ! sighs .

you gave me hope and then let me fall .
i wanna end but then now u tries to be nice all over again..

Why do I keep running from the truth?
All I ever think about is you
You got me hypnotized, so mesmerized
And I just got to know

Do you ever think when you're all alone
All that we can be, where this thing can go?
Am I crazy or falling in love?
Is it really just another crush?

Do you catch a breath when I look at you?
Are you holding back like the way I do?
?Cause I've tried and tried to walk away
But I know this crush ain?t going away-ay-ay
Going away-ay-ay

Has it ever crossed your mind
When we're hanging, spending time girl?
Are we just friends? Is there more? Is there more?

See it's a chance we've gotta take
?Cause I believe that we can make this into
Something that will last, last forever, forever!

JUN AND SIG

2009-12-14T23:40:00.004+08:00

these two "gou nu cai" (Junhe and Sigmund) have left Best Denki leaving me and Genevieve alone . Junhe left on 13Dec and Sigmund on 14Dec . sighs ! i will miss them .
they are like the entertainers there. Anyway , they are really great friends + colleagues!

UNCLE JUNHE & UNCLE SIGMUND!
u two must come back often !!! find one day to hang out kays ?! :)
不要忘记我，你们这些狗奴隶 ! :S

turning bad

2009-12-07T23:42:00.003+08:00

today work is a bore and somehow unpleasant . :(
emotions got the better of me today and i dun like it !

anyway ....
things are going worse and i dun really know how i should handle .
its been going for quite a while and i seriously need someone to talk to .
fear and struggle has always been around me .

theres so much i have absorbed and only so little i'm allowed to release .
frankly , its too much for me and i'm suffocating .
holding everything back and keeping to oneself is a suicide .i'm glad that shes back but how much can she help i dunno .
all i know is , shes the only one that i wanna run to now .
jud and potato sounds so nice and heart-warming now .

whats with the vinegar i'm tasting now ? why am i tasting it ?
no , i shouldnt be ! move !

OFF DAY

2009-12-04T09:22:00.000+08:00

still working , havent decide when to quit .
i feel kinda happy there . :)
but then again , Junhe and Sigmund is leaving . :(
then it will only leave me , gen and bernice there .

anyway , meeting my clique later !
I MISS ENONNE AND PINHUI SO DAMN MUCH !
seeing them in another 2 and a half hours !

off to have brunch ! :)
byebye ! upload pics later if i have time

2009-12-03T00:02:00.002+08:00

as usual , i'm still kicking and alive , hence i'm still working.
but these days the friendship between bernice , me, gen , sigmund and junhe is improving as the days goes by . this two days we have been cam-whoring and took quite a few pictures . i shall upload tmr or friday . :) so , this will be updated as soon as i got the pictures ! :)

broken and never to be mended

2009-11-30T19:42:00.003+08:00

one may just smile and laugh their day off everyday . but u will never know what is happening within them and what hides behind the smiling face . one that is always smiling and giggling has his or her own frustrations , its just that they do not show it out to others . today , i was struggling to hold back everything trying to keep every single disturbing thoughts and things away .

i'm really pissed off . i'm dealing with enough stuff and some people just find me not vexed enough , bloody fools . can u guys think about people around your and not just be so darn bloody self-centered ! having one pair separated isnt enough ? u want another ? how much more of such things do i have to endure ? once is enough ! it took me darn long to remove that hate and fear ! these past days i've been having nightmares ever since that incident happen right in front of me ! whenever i'm alone and when i closes my eyes , the images will simply flashes through my mind ! tears will always fill to the brim and i have to hold it back ! who the hell knows all these ? who the hell knows my fear and the need of someone there for me ?! NO ONE !

u really left at the wrong time . right this moment , i'm praying darn hard that u will be by my side . i'm scared ...

someone

2009-11-29T23:03:00.006+08:00

HELLO PEOPLE ! did u miss me ? ^^
hahas . this is soooo not me . i'm not liddat . sighs .
guess playing feminine is just aint my game . :(

anyway , working is coming along fine and trying to get used to it .
i'm learning more and more stuff each day and knowing more people.
vincent and yvonne were saying that i can be a promoter for mistral !
hahas . guess i focus quite alot on that . should touch on honeywell next .

these days , i really want someone to just be by my side and let me cry my heart out . but who will really just sit down there patiently and let me cry on their shoulder? today i forced myself to laugh and smile . quite a few things reminded me of the incident and i held back my tears forcefully . what is happening ? no one knows . times like these really made me have the urge to run far far far away ad cry my heart out. when will that someone appear ?

2009-11-27T11:05:00.002+08:00

sighs . i feel terrible deep within . whats wrong with me .
and in addition , i havent got much appetite since i return from chalet .
am i sick ? or am i just going nuts ?

anyway , i'm going to work despite the terrible feeling i have .
gran have been making me drink all sorts of drinks since morning . ugh .
i've been trying to upload pictures but the bloody facebook just wouldnt allow me !
hell with facebook ! just to hell it shall go . ugh !

okay , i'm blabbering nonsense again . -.-
dun feel like working. :( so reluctant ! :(
feel like sleeping the whole day please ! D:

better to have love and lost than to never love at all ....

SHORTAGE OF TIME

2009-11-26T22:00:00.003+08:00

trust me , time is very limited when u start working .
i realised i havent really talk to my family members much except for my dad who waits till i return and have my dinner then go to sleep . seriously , gen has been right all along , i'm really fortunate yet i dun realise and cherish it and took it for granted . i'm wrong and sorry . anyway , i'm uploading the pictures of prom on facebook . lots of people have been complaining and ivan even tweeted that i am so busy with work that i didnt have time to upload the pictures .

MONDAY; PROM !
prom was kinda acceptable . nothing was fantastic . a surprise was GENEVIEVE was the PROM QUEEN ! unbelievable . a $20 hairdo makes lots of difference okay?! anyway , many people were gorgeous there ! PINHUI was utterly stunning . she looks like a barbie doll ! *fills up with jealousy* after that went pool awhile and headed home!

TUESDAY ; CHALET 1st DAY
went to work first and then headed to chalet . reached there i simply bathed , ate dinner , played half a game of mahjong and went to sleep . :( i was super tired !

WEDNESDAY ; CHALET 2nd DAT
woke up and was feeling a little unwell . partly i dun feel like going to work , so called for MC and stayed in chalet . had sandwich for breakfast , watched TV and then headed to IMM for lunch at 12pm . after that , i headed home to get some stuff and went back to chalet .
i slept in the afternoon and when i woke up , keeley , weilun , xijin and yuhao arrived.
evening started BBQ and played some silly game . got weilian and abel over then celebrated ying ying's bdae . eat cake , mahjong-ed and watched tv .

THURSDAY ; CHALET LAST DAY
wanted to send yuling off at the airport but i slept thus couldnt make it in time . called her and then talked to her . after that watched tv and packed . about 11am daddy came and we checked out . follow daddy to the lounge and he had a drink while i drank coke . -.- about one we took bus home . i simply slept through the day . :) still sleepy i tell u . :(

okay , uploading the prom pics on facebook . bye !

many times when u asked a question , i very much wanted to say yes but i held back . who am i kidding and what am i thinking ? its so impossible . its just my very own wishful thinking . but trust me , everytime when u ask , i truly wanted to say yes .

SHORTY

2009-11-23T00:28:00.004+08:00

hey everyone. surprising that i'm blogging now ?
yeap , i'm suppose to be asleep but thought that i wanna be nice so i came online.
anyway just gonna talk about today.

today went to meet mum to take my shawl and headed to lot one to get melvin's stuff and some bread . then moved on take 190 to work . thought i would be late so i rushed but ended up i'm still early . :) work was fine and fun at the end . :D KA today lacked of manpower cus Bernice and Junhe took MC and in the end left with only gen , robin and steven after thiem foo left . then , gen left at 8pm so seriously lack of people . moreover its a sunday thus theres quite afew customers .

later when the customers are getting fewer , i moved back to fan counter . talked to yvonne and rahdi. then later know more of who is in HA . :) about 9:50pm , steven, yvonne, radhi and i played with the osim stuff . hahs . fun lehs ! but i kept being called shorty and being said i'm fat. i know thats a fact but ... sighs ... anyway , i'm really starting to like my workplace . :D

okay , tmr got prom ! gotta sleep . daddy went to sleep liaos , leaving me alone in the living room! nites !

no one can really replace him and no one can really make me forget him . he has already been part of my memory and it will always stay that way . i'm just trying to work and keep my mind off about him...